New Year Thoughts

Well, well, well....I made it to 2011.  Time flies doesn't it.  Can't believe that on January 14th  my first baby turned 32 years old.  Time seems to fly but also at the same time to stand still.  Strange.  Wonder how that is to God?  He sees it all from beginning to end at once.  We look back and feel like it was so long ago, but in reality, even 100 years is just a blip on a timeline.  What seems to be long is actually speeding by us.  Look at your child, turn around and they are grown and gone.  Maybe that is why God gives us the blessings of grandchildren.
I like the scriptures that talk about how fleeting life is, what man is in comparison to time.  How about these scriptures:

“Show me, LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure."  Psalm 39 4-5

People get so busy they don't realize how time is passing them by, but it says:

Now listen, You who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  
What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."  
James 4: 13-15

Life is short, much shorter than most of us realize. I'm at 52 years now and I realize that if I make it another 20 years I'll be really old.  I'm older now than the years I have left.  Scary thought.  I may not make it.  Who is to know?  Lisa surely didn't expect to have a major heart attack at 50.  She is now in the nursing home and maybe there for the rest of her life.

She hopefully doesn't realize it.  Who is to say what she thinks about, what she remembers and for how long she remembers it.  Sometimes I think that at least her worries are over.  She doesn't have to worry about a job, transportation, buying food, cooking, cleaning.  I think she remembers herself as young and skinny.  She doesn't even know that she is aging.  I think that is how it is with her.

Us "normal" people out here worry about so much stuff.  It can be overwhelming sometimes.  But life just keeps on going, doesn't it?  You can't just jump ship.  You are in it and there is only one way out.  Guess I'll just wait and see what the future brings.  That is what most people do, they live moment by moment and deal with whatever happens.  Could be good, could be bad.  Like wedding vows, we take the good with the bad.

People may have fears about the future but if taken moment by moment it can be handled.  The whole situation can change in a moment.  Besides if you have God on your side why worry?  And if you only have so much time, why waste it?

Past People

   I've been thinking about the past lately.  I guess these types of thoughts are what people call deep.  There were two tragic deaths that I know of recently that really bothered me.  Maybe that is why I'm so thoughtful. I originally posted some of this on Facebook.  I love to people watch. It always amazes me how God made so many differences in people. Think about how a group of little kids will turn out when they grow up. We don't plan how we look as adults, it just happens. Life happens and it affects us in so many ways. Then adults can say "Wow, what happened to make me look like this?"  It could be too much food, too much sun, too much laziness, accidents, illnesses, too much meanness, family troubles, drugs, etc.  Just all the twists and turns of our lives. It makes me think.  Forgot to mention, too much alcohol, too much sin.   

     Do you ever wonder about all the people who lived through all the years man has been on earth? We never knew them, they weren't important to history, but each one had hopes, dreams, feelings, family, and love. Just like them, who will remember us? It's a big world and lots of time has passed; lots of people, lots of dreams.   Every day that those people were alive must have seemed important to them. They had things to do, daily work, goals to achieve. Things they worried about and worked for, but in the end how important were they really? Guess I'm in an Ecclesiastes mood.  They surely had plans for the next day unless they were so ill they didn't know anything anymore.  Maybe that is why God tells us not to plan ahead since we don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I think sometimes about dying, and that I'm not ready.  I've got things planned.  No one is ever ready.  What is ahead is much better than here.   

    To me this place is just so full of fear to me.  I have been so fearful of everything that could happen.  Fear of flying, driving, riding in cars, trains, boats, swimming, camping, bears, cougars, dogs, diseases, tornadoes, accidents like trees branches falling, etc.  Give me a situation and I can come up with some reason to fear it.  Just pure dread.  What a bummer.  I think to be gone and with Jesus would be so wonderful.  No more fear, no more worry, no more dread.  Once gone, things we wanted to do, to say won't even be a thought.  We'll have more important things to do.  I guess all the dread is fear of losing control in a situation like a tornado or pain of some illness or accident.  No one wants pain, but we all gotta go some way or another.

     In Ecclesiastes 9:10 (Jonathan's memory verse for Computer Lit)  it says, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

Also at the end of verse 11 it says  "....but time and chance happen to them all."

Verse 12:  "Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come........"

Trouble Sleeping, Birthdays & Funerals

Jon had to perform a funeral today for his uncle R.D. and it was during a thunderstorm.  Jon said the women who were in heels were sinking in the mud.  It was so wet Jon was worried that where the grave was dug under the casket, that the whole thing could cave in.  He was under an awning but even standing on the artificial turf carpet, he said the carpet was sinking with the weight of feet.  Jon's suit got all wet.  I was going to go but my head and face have been hurting all day.  When we were at the funeral home for the visitation yesterday, his other uncle had a stroke.  We were wondering why they hadn't appeared at the funeral home so that explains it. So Jon went to the hospital to visit him before going to the funeral.

I've been very busy trying to get a new church website put together, trying to get the house cleaned and homeschooling.  Once the weather gets warmer, I think I'll be more up to cleaning.  I get cold and can't get moving.

Wendy went to Oklahoma with Jennifer for 4 days and I didn't even know about it.  Soon she will be going to Tennessee to visit Lori & Nate.  We will be going in May to celebrate Suzy's birthday.
We went to Kennedy's birthday party yesterday.  She turned 7.  Today is Lisa's birthday, Wendy's is Wednesday, and mine is Sunday.  Dad's was on the 17th.

I've been having so much trouble sleeping.  It seems like for the last year or two its been happening.  I'll fall asleep, maybe for half an hour or hour, then I see something and I wake up screaming and trying to get away.
What I see is almost always the same.  Black lines, squiggly black, moving lines.  Thin, thread-like lines.  Either coming down out of the ceiling, down along the walls, or on the closet door.  One time it was something orange coming out from the crack in the closet door toward me.  Sort of like an orange plant thing.  Two nights ago it was just one string thing slithering down the door.  I screamed loud and wanted to wake Jon in my panic but I didn't.  He didn't even hear me scream.  But my heart was pounding hard.  I sleep better in the living room.  So I slept there last night and again I will sleep there tonight.  I've been staying up too late though.  It is rough when you can't sleep.   
I'll write more later.  I'm tired now.